13 Things Mentally Strong People Don’t Do Book Summary

The concept of 13 Things Mentally Strong People Don’t Do was developed by psychotherapist and author, Amy Morin, as a set of behaviors to avoid building mental strength and resilience.

Mental strength is essential for overall well-being because it helps people face life’s challenges with confidence and strength. It helps to better manage stress, overcome obstacles, and achieve their goals.

According to the World Health Organization, one in four people will experience mental health issues in their lifetime.

Common mental health issues include anxiety, depression, negative behaviors and stress-related disorders.

Negative behaviors, like dwelling on the past, giving up after a failure, and fearing alone time, can make it hard for people to deal with stress and setbacks.

By avoiding these negative behaviors, individuals can develop a more positive and resilient mindset, better cope with stress, and achieve their goals.

Mental strength is associated with better emotional health, improved relationships, and increased job satisfaction.

ABOUT AUTHOR

Amy Morin is a licensed clinical social worker, psychotherapist, and author who specializes in helping individuals develop mental strength and resilience.

She is the author of the international bestseller 13 Things Mentally Strong People Don’t Do, as well as several other books on mental health and well-being.

Amy is also a sought-after speaker and has been featured in numerous media outlets, including Forbes, Inc.,

With over 20 years of experience in the field of mental health, Amy is a leading expert in the areas of mental strength, resilience, and positive psychology.

THE BASIC OF MENTAL STRENGTH

To understand mental strength, you have to learn how your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors are all intertwined.

Mental strength development requires a three-pronged approach.

  1. Thoughts — Identifying irrational thoughts and replacing them with more realistic thoughts.
  2. Behaviors — Behaving positively despite the circumstances.
  3. Emotions — Controlling your emotions, so your emotions don’t control you.

We constantly hear it, “Think positive.” But you can’t reach your full potential without optimism.

CHAPTER WISE BOOK SUMMARY

Here is the chapter wise summary of the book 13 Things Mentally Strong People Don’t Do that gives tips and strategies to develop mental toughness by avoiding common negative habits and thoughts.

During each chapter, the author encourages readers to take responsibility for their emotions and actions, and to focus on solutions rather than dwelling on problems.

CHAPTER 1: THEY DON’T WASTE TIME FEELING SORRY FOR THEMSELVES

Self-pity is easily the most destructive of the non-pharmaceutical narcotics, it is addictive, gives momentary pleasure and separates the victim from reality.
JOHN GARDNER

Chapter 1 focuses on the importance of avoiding self-pity to develop mental strength and resilience.

Self-pity is a negative emotion that can hold individuals back and prevent them from achieving their goals.

She also highlights the harmful effects of self-pity on mental health and relationships.

The author suggests that people should take responsibility for their actions, focus on solutions instead of problems, and practice gratitude to avoid self-pity.

A positive and resilient mindset is developed by avoiding self-pity and focusing on positive solutions.

focuse on positive solutions

CHAPTER 2: THEY DON’T GIVE AWAY THEIR POWER

When we hate our enemies, we are giving them power over us: power over our sleep, our appetites, our blood pressure, our health, and our happiness.
DALE CARNEGIE

This chapter talks about how important it is to not give your power away to other people or external circumstances.

Giving away one’s power can lead to feelings of helplessness, frustration, and disappointment.

She gives advice on how to avoid giving up your power by focusing on your thoughts and behaviors, setting healthy boundaries, and taking responsibility for your happiness.

The author emphasizes that taking control of one’s own life and decisions is essential for building mental strength and resilience.

CHAPTER 3: THEY DON’T SHY AWAY FROM CHANGE

It’s not that some people have willpower and some don’t. It’s that some people are ready to change and others are not.
JAMES GORDON

In this chapter, the author discusses the importance of embracing change to build mental strength and resilience.

She explains how fear of change can keep people from achieving their goals and adapting to new situations.

The author gives advice on how to change by changing your mindset, setting goals, and being willing to learn and grow.

Change can be embraced by reframing one’s mindset, setting goals, and developing a willingness to learn.

Here are some helpful points:

  • Evaluating your willingness to change with an open mind.
  • Setting a realistic time frame for achieving your goals is important.
  • You can make a decision about whether to do something different by balancing your emotions and rational thoughts.
  • The ability to anticipate potential obstacles that could hinder your progress.
  • The focus should be on one small change at a time, with clear action steps.
  • Committing to being the person you want to be.

CHAPTER 4: THEY DON’T FOCUS ON THINGS THEY CAN’T CONTROL

You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them.
MAYA ANGELOU

A person should try to get a balanced sense of control over his or her life.

Influence people without trying to control them, and focus on the things which you can control.

  • As per Amy Morin, you can’t control all things in your life, she has given a few examples :
  • You can host a good party, but you can’t control whether people have fun.
  • You can give your child tools to be successful, but you can’t make your child be a good student.
  • Likewise, you can do your best at your job, but you can’t force your boss to recognize your work.
  • You can sell a great product, but you can’t dictate who buys it.
  • You may be the smartest person in the room, but you can’t make people do what you want.
  • You can nag, beg, and make threats, but you can’t force your spouse to behave differently.
  • You can have the most positive attitude in the world, but it can’t make a terminal diagnosis disappear.
  • You can control how much you take care of yourself, but you can’t always prevent illness.
  • You can control what you’re doing, but you can’t control your competitor.

CHAPTER 5: THEY DON’T WORRY ABOUT PLEASING EVERYONE

Care about what other people think and you will always be their prisoner.
LAOTZU

In this chapter, Amy discusses how worrying about trying to please everyone is a waste of time.

  • It’s okay for other people to feel angry or disappointed.
  • People pleasers are easily manipulated. People pleasers can be spotted a mile away.
  • You can’t please everyone. It’s impossible for everyone to be delighted by the same things.

Taking time to clarify your values can be a very worthwhile exercise. Common values include:

  • Children
  • Romantic relationship
  • Extended family
  • Religious/Spiritual beliefs
  • Volunteering or helping other people
  • Career
  • Money
  • Maintaining good friendships
  • Taking care of your physical health
  • Having a sense of purpose
  • Leisure activities
  • Pleasing people
  • Education
Mentally Strong Woman

CHAPTER 6: THEY DON’T FEAR TAKING CALCULATED RISKS

Don’t be too timid and squeamish about your actions. All life is an experiment. The more experiments you make the better.
RALPH WALDO EMERSON

People often don’t take the risks that could help them reach their full potential because they’re afraid.

Do you respond positively to any of the questions below?

  • You struggle to make important decisions in your life.
  • You often dream of what you would like to do, but you don’t take any action.
  • Sometimes you make a decision without thinking about it because it makes you feel anxious.
  • When you think about taking a risk, you usually only imagine the worst-case scenario and choose not to take the chance.
  • You sometimes allow other people to make decisions for you so you don’t have to make them.
  • If you’re concerned, you might want to do something. But, if you feel fearful, you decide taking the risk is unwise.
  • You think that outcomes are mostly determined by luck.

Morin says that taking calculated risks means weighing the risks and benefits of a decision and making an informed choice based on that assessment.

CHAPTER 7: THEY DON’T DWELL ON THE PAST

We do not heal the past by dwelling there; we heal the past by living fully in the present.
MARIANNE WILLIAMSON

Some people focus on the past, while others focus on the present.

Do any of these scenarios sound familiar?

  • You wish you could go back and change parts of your life.
  • You struggle with major regrets about your past.
  • It is difficult to imagine how life would have turned out if you had chosen a different path.
  • You sometimes feel like the best days of your life are already behind you.
  • You replay memories in your mind like a scene from a movie over and over again.
  • You sometimes try to change something in your memories to make it happen differently.
  • You punish yourself or convince yourself you don’t deserve to be happy.
  • When you make a mistake or have an embarrassing experience, you keep thinking about it.
  • You invest a lot of time in thinking about all the things you “should have” or “could have” done differently.

Self-reflection is healthy, but it is also harmful to dwell, preventing you from enjoying the present and planning for the future.

But you don’t have to stay stuck in the past. You can choose to start living at the moment.

CHAPTER 8: THEY DON’T MAKE THE SAME MISTAKES OVER AND OVER

The only real mistake is the one from which we learn nothing.
JOHN POWELL

In this chapter, amy morin explores the concept of learning from mistakes and avoiding repeating the same mistakes over and over again.

Morin explains that mentally strong people view mistakes as opportunities for growth and learning, rather than as failures.

They don’t get stuck in negative patterns or let past mistakes define their future actions.

She offers several strategies for overcoming this tendency, such as reframing negative thoughts, focusing on the present, and learning from experiences.

She says that forgiveness is not about letting bad behavior go or forgetting the past, but rather about letting go of the emotional burden and moving on with your life.

They use experiences as lessons to learn from, rather than as anchors to hold them back.

The truth is that everyone makes mistakes, even though we may think we learn from our mistakes the first time around.

CHAPTER 9: THEY DON’T RESENT OTHER PEOPLE’S SUCCESS

Resentment is like drinking poison and then hoping it will kill your enemies.
NELSON MANDELA

Morin explains that mentally strong people don’t view success as a finite resource.

They know that just because someone else is flourishing, it doesn’t mean that they can’t also be flourishing.

People who are mentally strong are happy when others succeed, and they may even use it to reach their own goals.

On the other hand, people who struggle with resentment often view prosperity as a limited resource.

This mindset can lead to negative emotions such as bitterness, anger, and frustration.

Morin provides tips for developing a more positive mindset towards the growth of others.

She says to focus on your accomplishments and remember that someone else’s success doesn’t make you less successful.

Best Quotes: 50 Best Motivational Quotes On Life And Success

CHAPTER 10: THEY DON’T GIVE UP AFTER THE FIRST FAILURE

Failure is part of the process of success. People who avoid failure also avoid success.
ROBERT T. KIYOSAKI

Morin explains that mentally strong people view failure as a learning experience rather than a reflection of their worth.

They understand that failure is a natural part of the learning process and that it can help them grow and improve.

Actually, most successful people view failure as only the beginning of a long journey to success.

On the other hand, people who struggle with giving up after failure may view failure as a personal failure.

They may feel discouraged and may give up on their goals as a result.

Morin provides tips on how to develop resilience and overcome the fear of failure.

She recommends reframing failure as an opportunity for growth and focusing on what can be learned from the experience.

long journey to success
Know More: 10 Timeless Lessons From The Book Rich Dad Poor Dad

CHAPTER 11: THEY DON’T FEAR ALONE TIME

All man’s miseries derive from not being able to sit quietly in a room alone.
BLAISE PASCAL

In this chapter, Morin discusses the benefits of spending time alone and how mentally strong people approach solitude.

The author explains that mentally strong people are comfortable being alone and see it as an opportunity for self-reflection and personal growth.

They use their alone time to recharge, reflect on their thoughts and feelings, and focus on their goals.

On the other hand, people who fear alone time may be uncomfortable with their thoughts and emotions.

They may avoid being alone and may fill their time with distractions, such as social media or TV, to avoid feeling lonely or bored.

Morin provides tips on how to embrace alone time and make the most of it.

She suggests starting with short periods of alone time and gradually increasing the duration.

CHAPTER 12: THEY DON’T FEEL THE WORLD OWES THEM ANYTHING

Don’t go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first.
ROBERT JONES BURDETTE

In this chapter, Morin discusses the importance of taking responsibility for one’s own life and success.

Morin explains that people do not have a sense of entitlement and do not believe that the world owes them anything.

They understand that success is the result of hard work, perseverance, and taking responsibility for one’s actions and choices.

On the other hand, people who feel entitled may believe that they are entitled to success, happiness, or other rewards without putting in the necessary effort.

They may blame others or external factors for their lack of success, or may feel resentful when they don’t get what they believe they deserve.

She suggests taking ownership of one’s own life, setting realistic expectations, and focusing on personal growth and improvement.

Focuse on personal growth and improvement.

CHAPTER 13: THEY DON’T EXPECT IMMEDIATE RESULTS

Patience, persistence and perspiration make an unbeatable combination for success.
NAPOLEON HILL

In this chapter, Morin talks about the importance of patience and perseverance in achieving long-term goals.

Despite not seeing immediate results, mentally strong people are willing to invest the necessary time and effort to achieve their goals.

Some people give up when they don’t see immediate results. They may be focused on short-term gains and may not have the patience or perseverance to achieve long-term success.

Know More: How To Effectively Read Self Help Books For Lasting Change

Takeaway

Amy Morin provides valuable insights and practical advice on how to develop mental strength and resilience.

From avoiding self-pity to embracing change, the book emphasizes the importance of taking responsibility for one’s own life.

Building healthy habits that promote success and personal growth.

With mental strength and healthy habits, people can overcome challenges and reach their goals and live a happy life.

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